Starting Our Experience Books!

After visiting with my Early Intervention (EI) Specialist, who had brought me handouts on starting an Experience Book with  my toddler, I vowed I would start the very next week.

One week went by....

                                  then another..........
                                                            
                                                                and another.....
                                                                                        
Finally, I bought composition books and thought, "YES, We'll start next week."

One week went by....

                                  then another..........
                                                            
                                                                and another.....

I started saving brochures from places we visited, keepsakes from a hike, tickets, etc. They are in a pile on my shelf.  The books have stayed empty.

Fall organization hit. I started cleaning out my shelves to file all of the clutter that had added up.(I'm sure there's a blog post somewhere about de-cluttering and keeping things organized that I need to read!)

And I found them! I found the handouts my sweet EI Specialist had brought me.

And I read them!

And I realized I had this whole Experience Book thing wrong.

I had been putting it off until I could print out pictures, until I could have more time to make it look nice, etc. etc. As I read the handout and the mother talked of DRAWING pictures and TRACING toys and then describing them, as well as printing out pictures and gluing in tickets, etc, it became real to me.

                                                                 

We started the next day. 

              This was no beautiful scrapbook with carefully placed pictures with elaborate captions.

This was SWEET and SIMPLE. I started by sitting down at the computer, toddler in my lap and finding pictures in clip-art. We started with those foods that were her favorite things to eat.

I let her glue. I let her write. I even let her try to cut! After all, this is her EXPERIENCE book!

Our first page!

We have done pretty well, adding an additional page every other day or so!  There is so much more I want to do. My goal now is to SAVE, SAVE, SAVE things when we go out, and to look for ANYTHING we can add to our Experience Book!

We simply traced some of her favorite toys.

I found a way to make us both smile, even at 4:30 am. The pencil is a little hard to see. This entry was made when she woke up early in the morning and would NOT go back to sleep.

Are you ready to get started??? 

Here are some great tips for that great hand out! 

(handout by Kerry Dowling, parent of a deaf child)

• Find a special home for your Experience books. A basket in a well-used room is a good place.  (I have yet to do this one. After already misplacing it twice, I know it is essential to do this!)
• Keep a list handy for ideas: when you get an idea of an entry, jot it down. Save tickets, brochures, pictures, etc. to add in. That way on days when you can't think of what to do for an entry, you have your list!
• Involve the child. Let her draw, cut, glue. Ask her favorite things and put them in the book. 
• Use double-sided tape to put all the great stuff you have saved in easily.
• Involve others. Invite others to draw in the book. Label who it was and why they came to visit or why they drew what they did.
• Incorporate goals from your child's IFSP. If you are working on colors, do a page on that, etc. You can also focus on story telling or building vocabulary, etc.
• Focus on parenting goals. Find ways to teach how to be a good friend, have good behavior, how to help clean up, or wash your hands. (absolutely LOVE this one!)
• Colored pencils or markers work better than crayons. Markers sometimes bleed through the page. Pencil is hard to see. =)
• Use the Experience Book to generate new conversations and language. Don't hold to the words that are written on the page, but instead talk about what is on the page, the memory and the understanding your child has now related to the same objects or events.
• "Later on, it's all about reading." This will be a great reading tool as known content is matched to the exact print and learning of specific words can occur. 
• Have FUN! Make this a great experience for the WHOLE family to enjoy.

The problem with ‘Good’

  I was looking through my old blogs and realized I needed to heed my own advice. This is one I wrote over a year ago. With school starting again, I think it's time to review praise and declarations and put them back into practice!

“Good job!” “That picture looks good!” “Looking good sweetie!” “You are a good brother!” “You are a good boy!”

 

Sounds ‘good,’ right? I thought so too… until the day when I told my son, “Remember – you are a good student! You are a good friend!” just before sending him off to school. 

He looked at me without saying a word, but his eyes told me plenty: “Oh, sure. Don’t worry about the bullies I just told you about and the fact that only 1 or 2 of all the kids like me. Don’t worry about the teacher that blames and punishes me with all the kids because she doesn’t know who did wrong. Don’t worry about the homework you yelled at me last night because I didn’t do it fast enough. Yeah – sure. I’m good?” 

When he was gone, I thought about what he had told me through that look. He was telling me he needed something different, but I didn’t know what. I had learned to use declarations, or positive affirmations to boost myself and my family up. I use them daily. What was wrong with saying what I said? Well, he just didn’t believe it, I thought. You are supposed to say it until you believe it. But that look had said so much MORE! I mulled and prayed.. and read.

I am reading a new favorite book of mine: Liberated Parents,Liberated Children by  Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It talked about just this thing. “To a lay person it always comes as a surprise when he praises a child generously and the child then becomes obnoxious. To the psychologist it's no mystery. He knows that children must throw off global praise, it's too confining. ...when we use global praise with children, we are practically asking for trouble." (pg. 57)

And that’s when it hit me: the phrase ‘You are a good student/friend” is too confining for him. My son hates authority, rules, and doing anything any way but his own. To say he IS good is like saying he HAS to be GOOD ALL THE TIME! To him, this is too much. Instead of trying, he gave up, made mischief and had as much fun as he could. Why try when it is impossible? 

So WHAT DO I DO??? 

My new favorite book had the answer as well: descriptive praise. Not a completely new concept to me; however, I was not using it correctly or effectively. This morning that changed.

I found something positive to ‘describe’ from the day before. When I woke him up I said, “Yesterday you told me how you earned a recognition in school. You said you were trying hard to pay attention even when the kids around you weren’t. That takes discipline and focus. You did it and got your reward. I wanted to tell you I appreciate your effort.” I then gave him a sticker in our reward system at home.

He smiled, and then told me he had talked with his brother the night before until after 9:00pm, (when he was supposed to be going to sleep) about the basketball tournament last weekend. I held back criticism and simply said, “I am happy you can talk to your brother about things that are important to you!” 

I didn’t even tell him to hurry up so he wouldn’t miss the bus; instead I simply said, “It is now 6:25.” He got up and got ready for school. Just before leaving he ran to me and said, “Today, when I get home from school I am going to take a 10 min break and then get right to work!”

That afternoon he took a longer break. He took all afternoon to do his chores and his homework. This time there was no badgering from me. I am finally learning to let him make his own decisions. He did finish his responsibilities. He even cleaned up his mess when he broke my glass measuring cup without me having to ask him to do it. Then I was able to describe that to him to: “I noticed when you made a mess, you went right ahead and cleaned it up. You swept all of the pieces off the floor. Where did you learn to clean up like that?”

He thought for a moment, “I guess I watched you and Dad do it.”

“You know. I am so glad you can watch Mom and Dad. Cleaning up after your mess was responsible. Thank you for cleaning up your mess!” His eyes beamed with pleasure. They were telling me a much different story than they had just the morning before.

Just before bed he said, “Tomorrow I am only going to take a 5 min break, and then get right to work!” Will he? Well, we will see. The day he does I will tell him, “Hey! You did exactly what you said you would. Now I know I can trust that when you say you will do something, you will.”

Oh… I almost forgot… about those declarations, “I am a good student! I am a good friend!”

They now read, “I am an attentive student!” and “I am a considerate and thoughtful friend!”

Now he will know exactly how to act, and he will believe he can.

The Parent “Trap”

“Because I’m the Mom!”

 “Do it because I said so!”

 “Don’t argue; just do it!” 

We’ve all been there, right? We’ve all been ones to say these phrases. Well, not just say them, shout them from the top of our lungs. Usually the argument prior to any of these phrases has been intense, Mom is at her wits end, and the authority of being MOM or DAD is supposed to win the power struggle. It may or may not have ended there. Maybe it didn’t, and now the power struggle involves a spanking, or a slap on the face. Tears well up in that dear child’s eyes, and in yours too. 

No one is the winner. 

I was right there. I still am there in many ways, but NOW, I am learning to be a Child Whisperer.

In The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle, a new way of viewing parenthood and children emerges. In reality, it is a new approach to this “Trap” of power struggles, as I call it here. Instead of the attitude that Mom or Dad is always right and that the children need to wordlessly obey, there is a presence of mutual respect. There is understanding and cooperation, on both ends.

Am I saying that the child should always get their way,
 NO WAY!

 Parents should always keep their role of guidance and teaching, of knowledgeable influence. But we can do it in a way that honors our children, and keeps us from guilt and regret.

Just yesterday my son and I were in a power struggle. I had asked him not to eat any more watermelon. A little while later he walked into the kitchen, and took a piece of watermelon. I caught his hand to stop him. He looked me in the eye, jerked his hand away and bit the watermelon. 

Before my Child Whispering days I would call that outright rebellion. Now, I understand that it’s just his nature as a Energy Type 3 child to be so determined that when I say, “NO!” it becomes a challenge to him. But do I just let that go? “Well, I guess he’s determined and it doesn’t matter what I say, he’ll do it anyway.” There are times when I DO want him to immediately obey. Is eating more watermelon really that important? No, but getting out of the house in case of a fire, or moving or stopping so that some other danger does not befall him or a sibling IS. So, where is the line? Where and when do I push and when do I not? 

It came to a discussion. I explained the facts to him. I told him I appreciated his determination to always reach his goals, that he had a direct desire and that he honored that. I also told him that there were sometimes that his goals might come in direct conflict with people of authority: a parent, a teacher, a religious leader, a law officer. In these situations, it was very important that he stop, re-think his goal, and honor that person in authority. In the aftermath of our power struggle, I wasn’t sure of its efficacy. Today, however, there were no arguments. He did what I asked him to do without argument. He felt honored, and he honored back.

Carol Tuttle says, “Discipline at its best is educational, instructional, inspiring, and motivation. It’s an opportunity to teach.” (The Child Whisperer pg. 340)

Isn’t that the goal of every parent? To teach, to instruct, to inspire, to motivate, to guide our children to success. The "Parent Trap" we fall into is a path of force, of punishment, even sometimes of spite and pride. We want our kids to obey because, well, because we are the parents. We think it would be easier to force, to demand; and we feel it would be gratifying to have our kids obey in an instant, no matter what, even if it goes directly against their nature. For example, maybe your daughter is shy and wants to play alone instead of with the friends you invited over for dinner. Do you badger her to play with them? Or respect her choice? Or what about the son who does NOT want to share his special toy? Do you honor that desire, or punish him for not sharing? 

I’m excited that I had the eyes to pin point this “trap” that was ensnaring me. Do I want my kids to do something just because it might be better for me? or because that is the 'right' thing to do?

These are the amazing insights that The Child Whisperer gives into our own true nature, and that of our children. 

I look forward to the many years ahead of me, as I work to build relationships with my children that are based on love and honor for each other just as we are.  

My Happy Heart

This Post takes a little different direction than past posts, as I share my Happy Heart with you! I am a little overwhelmed as I attempt to share with you something that is near and dear to my heart, yet difficult to explain.

Among natural healing is a modality called Energy Medicine, or Energy Work. About 7 months ago, my journey on the natural healing road led me to this modality in hopes of helping myself and my son, who I have mentioned in my past posts. I was using all of the knowledge that I had, yet I KNEW there was something more that could help him, and me, I just didn't know what. As you look at past posts, you see I have received training in mental and emotional tools; and that I am a Wellness Advocate for doTERRA International. The mental and emotional tools we were using were helping, and the oils were a necessary support, but we weren't getting true healing. I have truly seen that essential oils prepare the heart and soul for healing, but something more is needed to do the actual work. We were looking for that missing piece that would help him truly heal.

I was led to investigate the Emotion Code, by Bradley Nelson. (You can download it FREE here) I was enthralled and immediately started using and applying this new tool. I had some great success and started feeling like I had the tool I needed to finally get my son back to where his Heart could be happy.

Along our journey, we ran into some hiccups. My son was not getting better. In fact, his emotions were like a whirlwind, continually spinning around and around without any resolution. We would have blow ups and use the emotion code to calm him, just to have him blow up or break down again. There was no stabilization. It became evident that some kind of trauma had occurred in his life at the age of 2 (as well as recent problems that were adding to it) and it would not be resolved.

That is when I was blessed to discover The Soul Code Method. This is a brand new modality in the list of current modalities available in the area of Energy Medicine. I have realized I have MUCH to learn and am excited to continue my journey. Cassandra Greer, who has been developing The Soul Code Method reached out to my son and was able to help him become stable again. The Soul Code helped him have a happy heart again. We are still working through some things, but the trauma, tears, state of anxiety and depression have left him. He is the energetic, happy boy he used to be! I am so grateful for this!

With my son's success evident, I was invigorated and inspired. I have been working with Cassandra in learning The Soul Code Method and am on the path to Certification! I am in my 'practicing' stage and would LOVE to help YOUR heart be happy!

It may not happen in one session. I've been working on myself and a few other individuals for awhile now, and I still have a long way to go in some areas. However, I feel light-hearted, happy, and stable. I can see progress. That is the goal of The Soul Code: to enable YOU to be able to handle life as it throws some hard balls at you. It doesn't take the problems away; it supports your soul and your heart in facing your problems and allows your Spirit and your Body to do more to heal yourself of emotions, trauma and maybe even some physical junk and illness. It brings you closer to your Higher Power so that you are able to live the life intended for you.

Sessions will be given in person (if possible), over the phone, Skype, or Video Phone. Because I am in practicing mode I am not charging any specific amount. Donations are appreciated as you are able and willing to give.

 Email me at oilsempowerparents@gmail.com to book your session!

AND... if you have any interest in working with Cassandra Greer and learning HOW to do the Soul Code Method yourself, she is offering this knowledge and certification on a donation basis as well! Jump in NOW if this sounds like something you will want to learn because starting on July 24th, there will be a set cost for both sessions AND certification. If you start working with Cassandra NOW, you will keep your donation status for the long run! You can click here to book an appointment with Cassandra.

Do you REALLY believe your Deaf child can succeed? Raising Deaf Children with Dreams, Success, and Confidence

“He’s not smart, he’s deaf.” – 5 year old brother

This comment made me realize what society teaches even when the family believes the opposite.
I began to actively teach the concept of “We Succeed Because We can” to all of my children, hearing and deaf.

“I’m preparing my students for middle school. They MUST learn to read and write.”
~ while neglecting the content curriculum ~

“Write about your dreams. I’m not talking about playing football kinds of dreams. 
I’m talking about college or what you want to do when you grow up.” 

~ paraphrased from a teacher’s instructions. ~

These comments and more were some of the reasons I brought my son home to home school him.

“You can’t … You’re deaf.” - classmate
“You want to be an _________? That’s impossible. You’re deaf!” 

~ Fill in the blank, almost every career or job has been found in such a sentence. ~
~ Many times spoken by teachers, parents, and specialists. ~

. . . And these comments were a huge concern for me when I put my son in a local mainstream classroom.

Would you know how he responded back?

 “I’m Deaf and I can do anything. 

Deaf and Hearing should be equal.” 

His brother, who had written a paper on his dream that Deaf and hearing people would be equal and have equal access to education, language, and careers was a support to him that day. He received permission to take his classmates and show them the paper which was hanging in the hall. He wasn’t the only one who knew it was OK to be deaf, and he wasn’t afraid to stand up for himself.
 

Bullying deaf children happens on a daily basis. Whether it’s society, their teacher, their parents, a hearing peer, or a neighbor. It doesn’t matter if it’s a deaf school or a public school. I’ve also come to see that it doesn’t matter so much if you use ASL, hearing aids, CI; talk or not. It’s an issue all deaf children, and even adults, face. For years, deafness has been seen as a disability. For years, deaf children have been told, or have just even felt, they can’t succeed.

I later asked my son, "What helped you respond so confidently to those kids? You knew they were wrong and weren't scared to tell them so. How did you know that?"

"That poster." He answered.

He's talking about a poster my husband made, "We Succeed Because We Can."

When my son was 5 and was asked this question: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" he answered, like every other 5 year old boy, “A fireman, or a cop.”  

 I was tempted to tell him, “That’s not possible because you can’t hear.” Luckily, I didn’t. I let him dream. He still loves firemen and policemen, though his ambitions have opened up to include construction, science, engineering, foresting, being a comedian and story teller, and more.

I am privileged to have married a dreamer. He knew the meaning of We Succeed Because We Can more than many and is sharing that very message. He introduced me to 48 successful Deaf adults of the 21^st century as he developed his poster. He taught my children about these same people, who have succeeded and thrived in careers never thought possible for a Deaf Person. It is their stories that gave my son the confidence to stand up for himself.

Seth Terkhorn, Fireman

Seth grew up and became a volunteer fire fighter during high school. He liked helping out, giving back. When he went to college at RIT, he applied to volunteer there. His first application was denied, but he went to the next town over.

"He drives the department’s rescue truck and responds to house fires, helping set up hoses outside the structures. He can lip read well and has even been more of an asset when deaf patients have been involved in car accidents—he asked in sign language whether the victims were hurt." 

And he's not alone. The article notes there are around 50 deaf firefighters nation wide.

Keith Nolan, Army ROTC.

"Nolan, 29 and deaf, has been trying for decades to join the U.S. military. While some of his persistence has paid off -- he's passed the first two levels of ROTC, joining the Bravo Company at California State University -- he's currently prohibited from moving on to level three." 

He is continuing the battle, working with legislatures to allow him to serve in the army. Over 80% of army jobs are noncombat, which deaf can qualify for. 

He says, "Each morning I get up and put on my uniform, I feel privileged," Nolan said, "It's truly an honor to wear that uniform."

Real People, Real Stories, Real Success

I heard one time that . . .
"True success lies in discovering what you love to do, and finding someone to pay you to do it."

 

So.. Let them dream.

Then give them the skills the need to achieve, 

no matter how long it takes;

 no matter what we have to fight for.

Get your own We Succeed Because We Can poster!

Decisions and Change!

Emotions surge through me. Questions fill my mind.

Is this what I want for my baby?
Is this what he wants?
Does he understand what challenges he will face?
Will the other kids be nice to him?
Will he be getting a quality education?
Will the interpreter be qualified? 

For the last two months, my son had been at home with me. Field trips, nature observations, projects, sensory activities, sibling teaching sessions, planning, reading, filming, viewing, etc etc.

Not that it was all fun and games and went just the way I wanted it to. Quite the opposite. But, it became clear to me that what my boy needed was a period of time to heal, to discover himself again, to gain confidence once more; to discover learning again. 

Then one day, he decided that that  time had come to an end. After a particularly hard day, I looked at him and signed, "You're not happy. You miss school, don't you?" 

We then launched into a conversation of what options he had for school: a local deaf program with part mainstreaming and part resource classroom with a teacher of the deaf, home, or the local elementary school where his brother goes. 

Perfect, I thought, it's time to teach him how to make good decisions in his life. If he can learn this now, it will benefit him greatly in his future!

Being a faithful Christian family, I brought in the scriptures. In the Doctrine and Covenants (scriptures from the LDS faith), these verses are found. They guide anyone seeking answer to finding a decision based on answers from the Holy Ghost:

"Study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.
But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong" (D&C 9:8-9)

We sat down, Mom, Dad, son, and brother for support. We listed and discussed all pros and con's to each decision. We asked others who may know more. We talked to deaf adults who went to school in their local schools (mainstreamed) growing up, including Dad. 

He made a decision.

Then he prayed. And our whole family prayed with him. 

He felt he had an answer... Attend the local school with his brother. He was excited. 

And here's the condition we discussed, "Since this is your decision, and your Father in Heaven has said it is a good choice, whatever happens, we face it together. There will be challenges. You may find you hate it. You may love it. No matter what, you stick it out until the end of the year. Then we'll reevaluate and see what to do."

It's been 4 weeks now. Not without challenges, but with motivation to learn, to grow, and to do his best. He has made friends and figured out ways to communicate with them. He has come home sad, frustrated, excited, concerned, happy, calm, and angry. There have been bullies and really great friends. In other words, he's having a normal experience. 

Is this what I want for my baby?
     I want him to be happy, engaged, leaning and growing... All of that is happening. Could there be a better place for him out there? Maybe, but for now...he's doing ok.

Is this what he wants?
    Yes...he explored all the options. He decided this for himself. For him, that was really important.

Does he understand what challenges he will face? He does now, and is facing them bravely! 

Will the other kids be nice to him?
Some will, some won't...isn't that true for most kids? We've dealt with that before (Dealing with Bullying) and I love how this little guy responded to the bullies! Stay tuned for my next post for that!

Will he be getting a quality education?
    With 20% of content lost through interpretation even with the best interpreters, some educational value is sacrificed. However, this local school and teacher are using many of the effective strategies that I talked about earlier, and they are challenging and engaging my boy, pushing him on. For 3rd grade, with added support of reading and writing at home, he'll be alright for now. The best answer for every deaf child? I would say, emphatically, no! Those arguments will make this post too long, I'll add it to my list! 

And what of next year? And the year after? I don't know those answers. I guess we have more decisions yet to make. Thank goodness we know the steps to do so.